News Ticker

Want to laugh this morning? This is your place, with Rockets, Romo, lots of funny stuff and more: The update for March 9


Hey guys and gals, nice to meet you. Since I’ll be posting here on Thursdays for the foreseeable future I figured I’d start off with a few things about me.  

First off, yes I am a stand-up comedian; but no, not everything I type is going to be funny. I work with Fred at ESPN 97.5. That’s probably the only reason I’m here if we’re being honest. I mean let’s face it, my writing isn’t going to win my any Writey* awards.

I’m actually on the show right before his. It’s called “The Usual Suspects” and you should listen because I think you will like it. If you don’t, Fred will refund you something. No idea what, but I bet it will be OK to slightly decent**.

More about me: I love sleeping late, I work in the yard a lot and homophones are my weakness. In fact, I’d gladly swap my spell check for a homophone checker.

OK, that’s enough about me (for now), let’s talk some sports and stuff.

Rockets rolled: The Houston Rockets dropped an important one at home against the Utah Jazz last night, 115-108. It was an ugly game all around for the Rockets. Poor shooting from beyond the 3-pt stripe (8-32 for 25%) combined with poor defense (64 points surrendered in the 1st half) was a recipe for a frustrating loss against a Utah team that has flown under the radar for most of the year.

Oh, and add 10 missed free throws along with being out rebounded by 14 to the previously mentioned issues and it’s a wonder they didn’t lose by 30.

With the win Utah pulls within 3 games of the Rockets, and also owns the all important tie breaker.

As a lifelong Rockets fan I do have to admit that it’s kind of nice to watch a Jazz/Rockets game and not want to puke at all the flopping and cheap shot nonsense going on by two people I hate more than brussel sprouts (Stockton and Malone if you’re scoring at home).

The Rockets next game is March 10th in Chicago where they take on Jimmy Butler (who made me lol here) and the Bulls.

Speaking of hating players… Dirk is now in the 30k point club. The unbiased radio host in me says that’s something special, but this is what the Rockets fan in me is saying.

Wherefore art thou, Romo? Romo is at home packing his back braces and ace bandages, getting ready for a move to a new city and a fresh start. Where? That’s still anyone’s guess, but most talking heads (yours truly included) seem to think he will land in either Denver or Houston. The Broncos have about $10 million more in cap space than the Texans do, for what it’s worth. And I know a lot of you Texans fans want to to see Romo here, but be careful what you wish for, he’s brittle and you could (could = most likely will) end up with more Brock than Tony for the year.

Are you not entertained? These stories will do it..

Umm, excuse me sir, but you have something in your teeth (not for those easily grossed out).

There’s nothing better than hockey hair. Fight me.

Hey Disco Biscuit, I could definitely whoop a koala bear’s ass! (A baby lamb too)

Yo! This dude was arrested MID HAIR CUT! Let’s see if I can come up with 5 jokes about this:

  • I’m guessing that’s not what he meant by wanting to get “half off” (this felt cheap and easy, and I don’t care if you judge me because of it. I’m shaking my head at me as I write this.)
  • hair today, gone tomorrow (I know, I hate me too right now)
  • This style is called “the creamer”, aka the half-and-half
  • He’s having a bad hair day, and a worse hair day
  • Please wait while we load the rest of your hair…



“I wish Capela had 2 more inches” – Clyde Drexler (during last night’s Rockets/Jazz game)

We all wish we had 2 more inches, Clyde.



Today is Brittany Snow’s birthday. So…here ya go:



*I’m not sure if this is a real award for writing, but since I couldn’t think of any awards they give to part time internet writing folk like myself, I went with this one.

** This is absolutely not true. I mean , the part about liking the show is; but that refund nonsense totally isn’t.

* I know I didn’t use 3 stars (***) anywhere in this document, I just wanted to warn you guys not to expect this kind of output from me each week. It’s all downhill from here. Sorry.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: