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NFL free agency news, NCAA tourney, textual healing, miss teen USA goes porno (and thus earns a shame bell) and more: The update for March 15

Of course there is an Eagles update. Got a problem with that?
Editor’s note: HOLLY XO has her own awesome football website, Holly.football. She’s funny, brilliant and fearless. She knows the NFL as well as anyone and loves her Eagles. She is a Roc The Mic finalist and has a great future in media. Follow her on Twitter at xoholly. You can learn more about her and the rest of the Sports and Stuff team here.
By HOLLY XO
Anyone else been having nightmares hearing the ESPN notifications going off REPEATEDLY due to NFL free agency? Finally things are getting interesting. A few of my favorite moves so far… 

 

    1. Philly releases Daniel and resigns Foles. Give me that cap money. Welcome home honey, we missed you!
    1. Jags snatched up Bouye. Combine him with Ramsey and we MAY just have a sprinkle of excitement in the boring AFC South. (At least that’s what you’d think. If the Jags can’t get it together with these guys PLUS Church and Campbell… well, never mind)
    1. Marshall to the NYG. Jesus. Is this even fair? Talk about stacked receivers. (Insert intense side eye here).
    1. Speaking of cheating… Cooks to the Patriots almost cost me a new iPhone. Italians tend to throw things when we get angry. 
    1. Oh. And Romo is still in Dallas very busy making Instagram videos in case y’all cared.
Let’s danceI hear this college basketball tournament thing is pretty exciting. I wouldn’t know so here’s a link to some cool MarchMadness crap. PS- Rock Chalk (Bet y’all didn’t expect that one coming. I may or may not have a creepy man crush on Bill Self).
Textual healing: Here’s something a bit creepier than me and Bill… Apparently our iPhones not only update us with the latest FA news but we can now send oral sex virtually by “licking” our cellular device. I’m all into trying new tactics and “textual intercourse” but this may be a bit much. Since it IS Wednesday, what are the odds you guys download this app? 
Shame bell No.1

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More odd sexual talk… As if Ezekiel Elliott’s crop tops didn’t make us feel uncomfortable enough now he’s pulling out chick’s boobs? Just kidding. As much as I can’t stand him, the media is reaching here. Give the kid a break. (But still click for boobs).

Shame bell No. 2

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Upgrade? Former Miss Teen USA gets stripped of her title… but gets re crowned “Miss YouPorn.” I’m sure her parents are delighted in her new accomplishments!
Shame bell No. 3
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QUOTE OF THE DAY (in reference to our beauty queen turned porn star)
“Every cloud has a silver lining.”
– John Milton
HOTTIES OF THE DAY
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Something tells me these hotties don’t pay their own tuition…

 

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