Life is pretty boring without football. (I know what you’re thinking… where’s the pic of me drunk again.. I’m still recovering). I started to put together my desired draft pick prospects for my Eagles but that got too stressful so I’ve just been binge watching Gotham on Netflix all week.
What are the odds that Gotham re runs will be more intriguing than the Final Four ? I think I can answer this one for Fred and Aj… 99.29%.
Ladies, if you made your sugar daddy buy you those Final Four tickets so you could escape to Phoenix to party, let’s just say you better call in sick or it’s going to be a long weekend with you and your fake boo.
MORE exciting basketball: So did anyone catch the Spurs game Monday night? Oh, you didn’t? Well…
On today’s episode of NBA players do the cutest most dramatic over the top sh– ever… click here to see Lebron be Lebron. Bro, my 3 year old niece could hit harder than that love tap Lee grazed you with. (Side note: I could never be an NBA wife because I’d be the embarrassing one on the court yelling at my husband “Quit being a little bitch honey!”)
ANYWAY. The game was pretty boring but the half time show was… banging! It consisted of dogs jump roping and grandmas shaking it to hot rap songs. I’m furious that I can’t find any film of this amazing talent, but I can see 72,000 different angles of Lebron’s paper cut. Way to go NBA. (Somewhere out there someone has footage of their grandma getting down to “bad and boujie” so if you could please just message the link to Fred… Thanks).
Maybe if the Rockets borrowed SA’s material they wouldn’t be 6 wins behi… never mind. I’m not here to make Houston fans despise me even more. I’m only here to talk sh– and post drunk, half naked pictures. Here’s the standings in case y’all forgot. (evil grin)
Speaking of the Rockets…How did that showdown with the Warriors go? Not good. And where was Kevin Durant? Oh yeah. Did not play. But hey, at least the beard had a triple double. But that 5 for 20 from the field? And 1 for 9 on threes? And the team? FIVE for 31 from behind the arc. FIVE. Ouch. But there’s still that MVP to chase, right?
Side note on sugar daddies: Has anyone seen or heard from my other man crush, Rex Ryan? (I feel like I have to shame bell myself in every post. This isn’t the only picture I have of us in case you were wondering).
Enough about my love life…
Shame bell No. 1
Watered down? A story from last week’s Spring Break Chronicles. These kids used creatures from the ocean to shotgun beers with them. Sounds like something I’d do minus the hurting innocent killer fish part.
Shame bell No. 2
Surf’s up: Yeah. Because I totally want to surf in a cyclone. Pretty sure this is some idiotic crap my neighbors here in Galveston would do…
Shame bell No. 3 (goes to the parrots)
I think I found myself in another life. Drug addicted parrots raid farms. This is actually an interesting read!
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
“I need a sugar daddy that don’t want no sugar” – every college attending woman ever
HOTTIE OF THE DAY
…Because I was looking into dating websites and she was already pulled up…