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Time to tee it up for vacation, Houston sports you should be in on, gratuitous alcohol references and shames of the week: The update for May 17

I’m on vacation so I thought this meme would suffice. I think I even have that same shirt…

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While you’re reading this, probably at work hating your job, picture me laying out half naked at the Four Seasons pool at the Byron Nelson Championship. That’s golf for all of you creeps (like myself) who had absolutely no idea. Of course I’m not here to cover golf, I’m here because my Phillies play the Rangers. Back to the golf… I must admit, being pretty much the only chick here surrounded by hundreds of pro golfer hotties with better tans than me isn’t so bad. And of course, there’s an unlimited supply of booze with my name on it. (Insert happy, drunk Holly emoji here).

H Town Down: I’d absolutely love to update you on your Rockets but your season is over. Because Houston athletes hate their fans.

The Boston Tea Party: I’d also like to tell you predictions on the Celtics/Cavs series starting tonight but I can’t bring myself to watch them ever since that emotional reunion show. I know those guys don’t play anymore but I feel like they’ve ruined the Boston image. I can’t take a group of men on a court that are just going to meet for mimosas the next morning serious. Luckily for you, someone cares about basketball.

No $1 hotdog BUT: I don’t know about y’all, I’m loving every time my ESPN notifications go off lately. It’s almost always an Astros win. How about that grand slam by Yuli on Monday night? Kind of sportsgasmic right? In case you missed it (or just want to watch it over and over again like myself) here it is.

Soccer Matters: I thought NFL TD celebrations were interesting. Check out Albert Elis’ pose after his early goal against Vancouver. (Yes, I stopped taking selfies, put down my beer that I’m not allowed to have while working and actually caught this shot). The Dynamo are now tied at the top of the Western Conference.

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Madden released their newest cover… Maybe the curse will come back and Brady will be out. Instead of winning 16 games… maybe they’ll only win… 16 games? Too late to call and see if they can get Belichick on the cover with him?

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One last thing: If you’re a Houstonian and you still haven’t been out to an Astros or a Dynamo game yet, you suck. Our two most underpaid teams in this city are the only two worth a crap. Not to mention, their games are actually way more exciting than your “I’m only here for a check” Rockets. These guys actually PLAY the game and WANT to try to bring you home wins. They’re not just half-ass playing because they’re required to report to work. In case you didn’t catch on, yeah, I’m throwing major shade at the Toyota Center.

Shame bell for YOU and the Rockets.

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A 16 mile redneck looking booze cruise? I’m going to try to take off July 1st weekend so I make sure to cover this event for you guys. Why didn’t Americans think of this first? This one is for us…

Shame bell No. 2

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More UFO sightings. I bet if I was still really wasted this would make more sense to me.

Shame bell No. 3

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Quote of the Day:

“So. You like play golf and stuff?”

– Me (to some random hottie at this golf tournament earlier)

Hottie of the day:

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This is me being all extra out here asking if anyone needs a caddy…

 

About Holly (21 Articles)
Football guru/Professional MNF shit talker Welcome to Holly's world🏈💋 #FlyEaglesFly 🦅 Instagram this @hollysworldxo

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