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Dumb life hack, no Astros all-stars, hilarious police log and more: Your update for May 18

GET A LIFE, HACK

It’s really easy to find yourself going down a rabbit hole of suck on YouTube. I did this the other day when I started watching “life hack” videos.

If you don’t know what a “life hack” is, as per Google it’s “a strategy or technique adopted in order to manage one’s time and daily activities in a more efficient way.”

In other words, it’s an easier way to do something we do every day.

For the most part, life hacks are more “oh neat, I never thought of that,” than “oh man, I HAVE to start doing that,” and that’s OK. What’s not OK is a life hack as stupid as the one I saw on my trip down the “life hack” rabbit hole.

“Here’s a great life hack for eating tacos…,” it started.

Hold up. WHAT? Since when did eating tacos become so complicated that we needed to “hack” it?

“Have you ever been eating a taco and some of the stuff inside falls out?”
Um, yeah dumb ass, that’s called EATING A TACO.
That’s part of the beauty of it. That stuff that falls out? That’s like bonus taco for us (kind of like the french fries at the bottom of the bag).
I digress.
So her life hack was, “the next time your eating a taco, just put another taco shell down on the plate to catch all the stuff that falls out.”
That’s not a life hack you a hole, that’s called ordering two tacos!
Also, way to take all the fun out eating a taco. What’s next, we’re going to to wrap piñatas in netting so the candy doesn’t spill everywhere when we bust them open?
The only hack is you for making this video.

BEST TEAM, NO ALL-STARS

As it stands right now – and if you listen to sports talk radio at all then you have no doubt heard that – the Astros are the best team in baseball (based on record). Fresh off of taking 3 of 4 from the first place Yankees, they sweep the Marlins and run their record to an MLB best 29-12. Not only do they own the best record in baseball, they also have the best +/- differential at +61.

Did I mention they own the best road record in baseball as well (15-6)?

And while I won’t bore you with the statistical details for each position, the thing about this team is that as a group, they are playing insane; but there is not a single fielder who is running away with his position statistically. In fact, if things continue as is, there is a very real possibility that the best team in baseball – your Houston Astros – won’t have a single starter on the AL All-Star Team (in the field).

The closest race is at short stop. Correa and Francisco Lindor are neck and neck, statistically.

Here’s how I think the voting will go, based on the current stats, play on the field and the nature of the voting:

C  Salvador Perez (KC)
1B Yonder Alonso (OAK)
2B Starlin Castro (NYY)
3B Miguel Sano (MIN)
SS Francisco Lindor (CLE)
OF Mike Trout (LAA)
OF Aaron Judge (NYY)
OF Mookie Betts (BOS)
DH Nelson Cruz (DET)

The good news? Dallas Keuchel could be your starter (again) for the AL.

OTHER SPORTS AND STUFF…

– I’ve always said that the first female athlete to play in one of the major pro U.S. sports would be a female pitcher. And this article proves we’re one step closer.

The Forest Grove Police Log NEVER fails to disappoint. Here are a few items from the latest:

  • A citizen called to complain about the neighbor’s loose chickens.
  • Officers checked on a noise disturbance and found residents playing “Cards Against Humanity.” They agreed to quiet down.
  • A man reported that his girlfriend was being held hostage. Officers investigated and determined the girlfriend was simply moving out of a residence and her roommate wanted her to stay and talk…
  • In another complaint regarding smelly chickens, an officer noted that a resident had more chickens than was allowed by city code. The resident promised to eat a couple to bring the total number of chickens into compliance.

– A Spurs fan filed a law suit against Zaza Pachulia for injuring Kawhi Leonard.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“The only thing bad about winning the pennant is that you have to manage the All-Star Game the next year. I’d rather go fishing for three days.”

– Whitey Herzog

HOTTIE OF THE DAY

mmm_taco

I Googled “Taco Hottie”. The Internet really does have everything, y’all.

About Barry Laminack (18 Articles)
Talented, funny, handsome, creative, fun to be around, well endowed, great body,smart, liar.

1 Comment on Dumb life hack, no Astros all-stars, hilarious police log and more: Your update for May 18

  1. Now I want tacos. And a hot dog while I wait for her knuckleball.

    Liked by 1 person

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