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Dating advice, soccer hotties, sports takes and more: The update for May 24

I have no idea who this hot soccer chick is but I figured I’d get your attention with her.

Anyway, I wanted to share with you guys some of my dating life. A topic that is very dear to my cold, black heart. Men.

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So, I’m sitting at a bar minding my own business and this guy approaches me. He asks me the usual, “Are you in a relationship? What’s a pretty woman like you doing single?” (Don’t ever ask a female this. It is the most annoying excuse of a pick up line ever). I’m working on being a better person so I had to think for a few seconds before I responded. The old Holly would have left it at “because men as a whole human species blow. You can leave now.” Instead I told him to buy me another drink. I then proceeded to tell him how high I hold my standards. (I left out the part about how I have about four side pieces right now and not looking to add any more). In 2017 men think that they can have their cake and eat it too. Surprise! There’s still good women out here that won’t put up with crap. (side texting side piece no. 2 while telling him this). He told me “all men aren’t the same.” (Another over used, annoying phrase). Yeah, that’s fine except you’ll more than likely turn me off after 5-7 business days. Long story short, I got 2 drinks and he left with exactly as many phone numbers in his phone as he walked into the bar with. Moral of the story? Let me drink in peace. If I’m at all intrigued by you, I’ll make it known.

Let’s get sportsy…

Dear Astros,
Please don’t Houston us. I just bought all new ‘Stros gear and I’m kind of craving a hot dog. Finally a win Monday night. I was starting to get nervous like I cursed us or something. (I’m hardly the same ever since I accidentally killed Carr week 16 last NFL season).

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Swept: Rockets fans crack me up. All this hate towards the Spurs. Yeah, I know… you guys would love to get raped from behind like SA did, right? Except you didn’t have a chance to experience this pain because HOUSTON ATHLETES HATE YOU. (Unless you’re a stripper). So shove it.

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106 days: OTAs started this week. This is a bitter sweet time. Sweet because we’re getting closer to a real sport starting again, bitter because my timeline on social media is boring now. This is usually the time of year when athletes pretend to be good. They no longer snap or post their late night rendezvous or “bad bitches only” vacations. (I guess they lost my application because I’ve been stuck in Houston for a while now). *sigh* I suppose we can always search Manziel and Josh Gordon’s pages for a good time.

Kickin’ It: This week is a big week for the Dynamo. It’s rival week, better known as the Texas Derby. Dynamo faces one of the better contenders in the league… FC Dallas. As I’m sure any Houston fan will agree with me on this… we hate Dallas sports. Since I know your lazy asses won’t drive to Dallas for soccer, at least tune into FS1 Sunday at 7 p.m. and pretend to watch for ratings.

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(That’s me… Making Victor take 76 selfies until I’m content with one. This is also my “hangry” face because the Dynamo started practice late and I had to wait 4 hours to eat).

With soccer brings shame bells…

What happens when Dallas athletes try to mock a Houston team? AJ DeLaGarza puts them in their place. Shame on you Dallas…

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We think the NFL makes some ridiculous moves by drafting men who beat up on chicks… I suppose it could be worse. Brazil picks up a goalie convicted of murdering his girlfriend…

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Shame bell No. 2

I don’t know why we’re over here launching missiles and crap when we could simply drop teddy bears with cute notes in them like the Swedish do…

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To bears and peace. Shame bell No. 3 ‘Merica

Quote of the Day:

“Buy a ship. Name it relation. Now you have a relationship.”

– Some Unknown Dating Guru (No, it wasn’t me)

Hottie of the Day:

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This will be me Memorial weekend… Only not so classy… More like on Galveston beach half naked shot gunning beers but you get the picture.

About Holly (21 Articles)
Football guru/Professional MNF shit talker Welcome to Holly's world🏈💋 #FlyEaglesFly 🦅 Instagram this @hollysworldxo

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