By DISCO BISCUIT
The stage was set Friday night for me to attempt a gargantuan feat. My personal Mount Everest loomed large. Could I do it? Could I eat nine hot dogs and drink nine beers over the course of nine innings of baseball? Turns out no. No I can not. The 9-9-9 challenge. Something my friend and I discovered one day when we were supposed to be working and have been talking about trying for over two years now.
First my personal statistics:
Height – 5’1″
Weight – 130 lb
Previous hot dog consumption – once ate six hot dogs at a cook out.
Intangibles – high motor, tough attitude, covered in tattoos so you know I can handle pain. Also gave birth once.
I made a couple of critical errors in my first try. Three key learning experiences if you will.
First – probably shouldn’t have eaten at Pit Room for lunch only three hours before I was set to complete the challenge. Shame bell one for me. Second – I purchased Ball Park Franks all beef hot dogs. Everyone in the hot dog eating game knows these are the best hot dog. However, the 9-9-9 challenge website states only that you must eat nine full hot dogs with buns. They can be the skinniest hot dogs on the market. So hand up – another shame bell. Lastly, probably not a good idea to use a filling beer like Rolling Rock because that’s all you have in the fridge. Next time I will drink that disgusting 90 calorie Michelob Ultra or something. So how did the challenge go? Lets do an inning by inning break down:
Top of the first – I scarfed down three hot dogs right away. My initial strategy was eat three hot dogs at the top of every third inning. So three in the top of the first, three in the top of the fourth, and three in the top of the seventh. I eat all three hot dogs (yes, because I know the haters and losers will bring this up – I did have some bun remnants left on the plate but I ate those later). Musgrove had a solid first inning and we were in the bottom of the first before I knew it. Oh no! I still hadn’t drank my first beer. I chug the Rolling Rock.
Innings two and three – The good news is I have already eaten the hot dogs so I don’t have to worry about that. The bad news is the second and third innings were pretty quick also and I could feel myself getting more and more intoxicated. Not good.
Top of the fourth – I abandon my initial strategy of the three hot dogs at the top of every third inning and in hindsight I think this might be when the wheels came off this whole operation. I eat one single hot dog. It was hard and it barely went down. The can of beer was just staring at me like a petulant child.
Top of the fifth – I am so full from the beer and the hot dogs I actually feel like the Willy Wonka girl that turns into a blueberry and rolls away. I wish I could roll away from this apartment. I pick up my fifth hot dog. It feels like a hundred pound weight in my hand. I put it to my mouth and almost start crying. It takes me the entire fifth inning to eat the evil wiener. I’m reminded that I still have the beer to drink. I weep.
Top of the sixth – I pick up a hot dog. I immediately put the hot dog down, look at my man friend and say “I can’t do it. I can’t eat another hot dog.” He looks down at me and says “I knew it, babe.” I want to fight through and prove I can, but more than that I don’t want to throw up hot dog all over the apartment patio. So, defeated, I put the remaining hot dogs in the fridge and finish watching the baseball game, drinking my beer at the same leisurely pace I’m accustomed to.
Those ‘Stros tho! The Astros have won five straight games, coming back yesterday from 8-2 behind an 11 run 8th inning – winning 16-8. These boys are good. The jello shots were flowing and the high fives were in high supply at Griffs yesterday. Check out our weekly wrap up here. I can’t say enough about this team. 36-16. Their offense almost looks like a video game, and on defense Keuchel and McCullers are pitching lights out, Correa and Altuve are the best shortstop – second baseman duo in baseball right now, and Springer is just doing Springer things in the outfield.
Fight! Bryce Harper was NOT happy with Hunter Strickland for hitting him yesterday. I love it. Normally baseball fights are hilarious purely for how they’re never actually fights. But there were blows here, and no “hold me back bro” faux-rage. Also where was Harper throwing his helmet?
There was a hockey game last night. That’s all I know, so you can read more about it here.
Quote of the Day:
“It ain’t over til it’s over” – Yogi Berra
Hottie of the Day: