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Astros win, summer fun, Phelps vs Shark and more: The update for June 20

With the NBA finals over and nothing major happening with the Texans yet, we are fully into summer folks. These are the dog days. With no sports except baseball happening, this is the time of year for filler stories, Mount Rushmores, and unscripted hilarity. I’m here for it!

Michael Phelps is going to race a Great White shark – This is a promotional event for shark week, obviously. Shark Week is complete garbage. It hasn’t been good in a long time and just a couple of years ago they actually tried to trick all of us into thinking a “megashark” existed by doing a documentary about one during Shark Week. Ridiculous. Now, can Michael Phelps beat a shark? The stats say no. I am huge Phelps gal – the guy is a beast. But this study that found he’s actually slower than a goldfish is damning, especially considering a Great White can swim about 25 mph.

phelpsvsshark

Carrie Fisher’s autopsy results are in and apparently she had cocaine, heroine, and ecstasy in her system when she died. All this information tells me is that she liked to party and should probably have been wearing a mesh top at a rave during her last days. I don’t like the idea of judging someone’s life based on how they died. Carrie Fisher should be remembered by who she was in life – an unwavering bad ass and feminist icon (I know this is a dirty word for some but trust me, being a feminist is a good thing) who inspired hope in even the meekest among us.

Keeping cool in Houston during the summer can be a struggle. My apartment claims to have “central air” but it breaks every 3 weeks. Less than ideal! So how do you keep cool in a city that is 100 degrees with 90% humidity in June?? My first instinct is to go swimming. But my apartment doesn’t have a swimming pool. So I took baby biscuit to the public pool at Memorial Park. This is the least fun pool in the entire world and I honestly felt like I was swimming in a prison. First of all – you aren’t allowed to have pool noodles or flotation devices of any kind. What the hell is this!? Baby Biscuit isn’t a strong swimmer (she can’t swim) so now I have to hold her ass the entire time we’re swimming. I had her stand on my shoulders so she could jump off into the pool. *WHISTLE BLOWS* “No standing on shoulders!” I put baby biscuit on my back like a turtle shell. *WHISTLE BLOWS* “She can’t be on your back!” I mean the life guards blow the whistle every 15 seconds about something. So if you’re like me and you don’t have access to a nice suburban pool, go anywhere but Memorial Park. OR you can do what I ended up doing and get a giant blow up pool that you and your neighbors can enjoy on the patio! The baby pool has been a lifesaver. Edit: someone complained to apartment management that the pool is “trashy” so this may have been the last weekend of use.

blowuppool

This is the exact pool we have. It fits four grown adults, including two men with heights of 6’1″ and 6’6″.

The Texans are heading to West Virginia for training camp so we won’t see them practicing in Houston until August 21. Listen, football is my number one favorite sport but I could not care less about this team until they kick the football off on September 10th. I don’t even care about preseason. Just get to the regular season please so we can gather our Bill O’Brien sound bites, see actually how bad Tom Savage is (because we know he’s not good) and ascertain whether Watt is back to his old self. Please be warned – as soon as football season starts I will turn into a lunatic.

The Astros — a team that isn’t boring as hell — dropped two games to the Red Sox before finally winning a game against the A’s last night. Brad Peacock notched eight strikeouts through 5 1/4 innings and George Springer hit his 20th home run in the win. My boy Jake Marisnick hit this two run homer to get things started:

Good news – The boys are still 12 games up in the division, Josh Reddick is back from the DL, and McCullers and Keuchel should be coming back soon. Bad news – we saw what the rest of the starting pitching can do without your studs and it’s not great. Here is our Astros weekly round up.

Quote of the Day:

“Name one thing in this world that is not negotiable.” – Walter White.

Hottie of the Day:

jakemarisnick

I’m back on my bullshit

 

 

 

 

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