By HOLLY XO
I know what you guys are thinking… how drunk did Holly get this weekend? Well guys, it’s not always about me.
Besides being stuck in Pennsylvania due to what I call “Holly luck” (better known as random, unexpected bad weather that mysteriously appears out of nowhere at the exact moment I walk into the airport to delay all flights by 2 hours)… I gathered some important traveling information for you guys. There are three major airports I highly recommend you avoid at all costs.
Orlando. You’re literally flying into hell. This is a Disney World only zone (which is one of my favorite places when I’m alone and sober). However, I wasn’t sober and sitting next to 72 screaming kids with their annoying Caucasian parents that don’t discipline them isn’t exactly my cup of vodka…err… tea.
Atlanta. Need I say more? There’s a 97.4% chance your connecting flight will be delayed and you’ll be completely SOL. Grab a pillow and get comfy because you won’t be home for another 24-48 hours.
New Orleans. Yeah… So I forgot how disgusting this place is. Be prepared to get a whiff of mildew, moth balls and STDs when you walk in the door. Unfortunately for me, I drank so much on the plane that I absolutely HAD to use the restroom in this hell hole. I literally had to give myself a quick whore bath and pour hand sanitizer over my entire body. (Picture a hot chick pouring a bottle of water all over herself… only it was me… and a bottle of germ killer).
I’ve been reaching hard for some fun sports news but all I got was Eric Decker to the Titans… Let’s just say I’d rather talk about what him and his hot wife do versus what him and Mariota plan on doing.
Instead, I decided to ask my Facebook and other social media friends if they had any sportsy questions I could talk about for them. Here’s a few I grabbed…
1) Is Kaepernick being blackballed or is it that his skills and salary expectations aren’t commensurate to anger half your fan base? He’s no longer football relevant to me. Maybe he should try politics.
2) Thoughts on Antonio Cromartie’s child support bill? I can’t even get that far… I’m stuck on how it’s even possible for one to produce 14 children. You couldn’t pay me to even STAND next to this man. His sperm are too aggressive. He may sneeze and get me pregnant.
3) NFC East predictions? I’m assuming he meant the standings but my automatic thought was “Around 4-6 Dallas players will be suspended for drug abuse. The Giants will somehow manage to mess up another season when they have a 47.8 billion dollar defense and the best receiving core in the entire National Football League. The Redskins will be irrelevant AF, per usual. And Agholor will continue therapy to maintain sanity against us amazingly supportive Philly fans. Then again, I’m no psychic.”
4) How bad will the 76ers still be next season? Not as embarrassing as your Rockets who hate their fan base. *sips tea*
How about those Kardashians? Kim recently did a new photo shoot that’s causing a bit of controversy. Surprise, surprise. The porn star… excuse me, I mean reality star is being accused of trying to be darker complected. Her response? She’s been tanning a lot lately and used a filter. Same here Kim, same here.
Shame bell No. 1
A new study shows why men cheat… Good news for ladies, it’s not because you just suck in bed! Because THESE reasons totally make it okay…
Shame bell No. 2
Mother drops her daughter off at college orientation… Before she leaves she makes sure to send pictures of her posing next to the half-naked school’s football team. This sounds very Holly-ish. #CougarAlert
Shame bell No. 3 (For me and this naughty mom)
Quote of the Day:
“If I was a man, I would want to know what it’s like to have sex with myself. I would just want to know what it would feel like hitting it from the back.” – (the OH so talented and intelligent) Kim Kardashian
Hottie of the Day:
…Because Eric Decker’s wife is hotter than his entire career