I got entirely SO wasted this weekend that I woke up and decided no more booze for Holly. Yes, you read that correctly. The service engine light on my liver has officially started blinking. That, and the fact that I’m tired of crawling to the bathroom to puke every Sunday morning while repenting for all of my sins still half drunk (and half lying). Just call me Manziel, I’m in the recovery stage of my life.
More Religion: July is officially the last month without football. Praise God. Hallelujah. Thank ya Buddha. Whoever you thank for blessings, reach out to the kid!
How about those ‘Stros: That’s a great question. Unfortunately, I haven’t turned the TV on since last Tuesday. Every now and then I tend to fail at my job by missing sportsy games for y’all. Thankfully, here at Houston Sports & Stuff we have a Neal. Neal loves baseball.
You know what I love? Football. Usually I prefer the D but I’m going to take a moment to switch over to the offensive side of the ball. Let’s talk RBs. (It’s either this or golf, take your pick) Here’s a list of the guys who’s run game I’m most looking forward to watching…
- Leonard Fournette: Lets be honest, anyone Jacksonville can possibly get to take plays away from Blake Bortles is exciting for every Jags fan. Just take a moment to imagine this scenario… Bortles accidentally gets lost somewhere during a pre season away game. They use their 2nd string QB (whomever that may be) and are forced to hand the ball off to Fournette every other play… tag that along with all of the talent on that defense? Hello sportsgasm……. and the possibility of a 4-12 season!
- LeVeon Bell: I don’t care if the guy smokes out his car in the parking lot of the facility as long as he shows up to camps and finds a way to cheat the system on his drug test. The Steelers have one of my favorite offenses to watch… Bell being the key. Why? Last season Bell led all RBs in routes run per game (32.6) totaling more than Julio Jones AND Jarvis Landry (thanks Scott Barrett). Now THATS some stats I’ll take interest in.
- Latavius Murray/Dalvin Cook: First and foremost… My sincerest “F You” to the Vikings. (Still pissed they took Cook from me on draft night) Bradford’s going to Bradford… Who better to add for help than my current favorite RB, Murray. Stats aside, name a more fun back to watch in the game right now… I’ll wait.
- Beast Mode: Ummm. Because he’s back… Duh. I’m a little sketch on guys missing a season or two then jumping back in the game BUT behind an O Line like Oakland’s, it should be easy pie for the big guy.
Wait, did you guys REALLY think I’d add Zeke to this list? Nice try Cowgirl fans.
Shame bell No. 1 goes to you
Michael Floyd has to serve a day in jail for failing an alcohol test… WHILE AT HOME ON HOUSE ARREST. Ummm. What the hell else is he supposed to do at home? Alcohol should be allowed during house arrest, it’s not like the guy can GO anywhere. This ones for the justice system…
Shame bell No. 2
Brady tries Sumo Wrestling? I’m just using him because he’s Tom Brady and we all secretly despise him.
Shame bell No. 3
Quote… err question of the day:
“How long until I get my sober coin? Does it come with a voucher of any sort?” – Me
Hotties of the Day: