By HOLLY XO
Same Chris, same.
Well I accidentally… that’s a lie. Let me start over.
I purposely relapsed on the alcohol this weekend. But only because I was at the casino and you just can’t be sober when you’re gambling. That’s like a rule of life. You’re probably wondering if I won any money. Well I didn’t. This wasn’t sports gambling and let’s be completely honest… What are the odds that my BAC percentage matches my chances of actually comprehending my hand dealt at the table? .30% sounds about fair-ish but I’ll get back to y’all…
Hoops and Stuff: I know you guys are dying to hear more about the NBA free agency! However, I am not. You can read here though.
Hotdogs and Home Runs: Our ‘Stros are STILL looking killer. And I’m still getting nervous anticipating the typical Houston sports team let down. I’m not complaining though. I’m just waiting for someone to take me back to $1 hotdog date night. Minus the date part. Oh, and there’s the MLB All Star game. Too bad its muted on my TV right now because I’m so dedicated to entertaining y’all by procrastinating and waiting last minute to edit.
Apples and Oranges: I was reading this comparison on LeBron and Eli Manning and thought I’d share with you guys. I’m going to completely ignore the LeBron part because… well… it’s basketball related and y’all know how I feel about the NBoringA.
Let’s dive right in. Eli isn’t the same Eli. Just keeping it real, he blows now. You can throw all the stats at me that you feel necessary but you won’t change my mind. If the NYG QB is so amazing why can’t I ever feel safe betting an easy line on them?! The Giants are one of the only teams who can be up by 4 or more TDs and you still can’t breathe easy. They’re that “what in the hell happened” team. That “walk to the fridge and grab a beer just to come back and drop it from disbelief” team. How you manage to lose what should be “easy-win” games with all of those weapons baffles me. For the love of the football gods… You have one of the best receiving corps, a 7.999 trillion dollar defense… and… Eli.
Something just doesn’t add up. So. Yes, I suppose LeBron and Eli do have some similarities. (Side note: Can’t spell ELImination without Eli. *evil grin*)
I’m shame belling NYG fans. Why? I don’t need a reason. #FlyEaglesFly
Shame bell No. 1
Remember that hot felon guy who’s mugshot went viral? You know… The one who landed a modeling contract when he got released from prison? Apparently his wife was shocked to find out he’s been cheating on her. Ummmmm. When has a light skin guy with colored eyes and tattoos ever been faithful honey? This one’s for the naive women of our generation.
Shame bell No. 2
When in doubt, google the Kardashians. I didn’t even read this article but I figured it would deserve a shame bell… Because anything this family does is shame worthy. I don’t “keep up” too much… All I know is Rob is the fat one and Chyna is a stripper with a bad fake butt. Enjoy.
Shame bell No. 3
Quote of the Day: “When you look at the scary state of this country, it’s insane how things that began as jokes keep going, like the Kardashians. They weren’t supposed to last this long.”
Hottie of the Day:
…Because any time someone mentions prison I think of my favorite hottie, Lindsay.