My exact thoughts when I woke up from my whole two hours of sleep Sunday.
This weekend was one of our annual girl’s trips. I got to watch two of my good friends kick major ass in their LFL game, enjoy lots of great vodka and experience a new city.
What did I learn about the city of Atlanta?
• There is always traffic. Almost worse than LA traffic. Even at 10 p.m.
• Do not venture outside of the Buckhead city limits.
• If you DO venture out and go to a club, you WILL get felt up in the security line. I’m talking worse than Harris County (not that I would know), full boob groping and then some. Make sure you don’t carry Advil, they’ll confiscate it. (because we all know the harm I can cause with a travel size Advil bottle in the club). Mind you, the nice gangster gentleman to the left of me asked security to hold his blunt while they searched him. Weed and cocaine acceptable, hangover pills not. NOTED.
• Don’t trust the guys. Even if he LOOKS attractive, it’s Atlanta so there’s an 89% chance he’s into men or has at least dabbled in that pool.
• It’s apparently “TOO SOON” to mention the Super Bowl. *Insert evil Holly grin*
So, You’re Mad Bro: Cutler to Miami is intriguing, despite your pathetic attempts to bring up Kaep for the 72,846th time this week. No one really liked Tannehill anyway besides Del. I think it’s a… nice pick up for the Dolphins and a good “last chance” pass for Cutler. Besides, if he fails it just gives me one more thing to rip Gase apart with. (Sorry Del)
FINALLY: Preseason is HERE! It may be irrelevant but it’s still football and I can’t contain my excitement. I can now drink heavily on Mondays and Thursdays without being questioned, throw away my whole paycheck on MyBookie, assemble my all-star fantasy draft squad AND harass Dallas fans. Life is great!
Tonight, Bill O’Brien plays the Panthers. I have to admit, I’m more looking forward to McCaffrey’s debut than Watson’s. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Deshaun but I know Houston too well. Besides, all of these clips of McCaffrey from camp give me sportsgasm like feelings.
Time for some shame…
Manziel wants to coa…….. Never mind.
Shame bell No.1
Restaurant offers discounts based on women’s breast size? Looks like me and my A ½ cups would be enjoying the lunch special…
Shame bell No.2
This is more like it… If you’re a man, you’ll be charged an extra 18% to eat at this place. Why? To make up for the gender pay gap. Shame on Houston for not having thought of this first!
Shame bell No.3
Quote of the Day: “If you’re not having fun, you ain’t doing it right.” -Carson Wentz (The Future)
Hotties of the Day:
Us in ATL after being strip searched. Excuse the marijuana smoke blurring the picture… And yes, I’m rocking an Astros jersey and I DO have shorts on. I think.