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An All-Pro drinking weekend (including a .309 BAC!) Football stuff, shame stuff and more: The update for Aug. 16

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By HOLLY XO

While you guys were at home watching preseason games being entertained by false hopes and fantasy lies, I was at the river. I know you must be DYING to know how my latest girls trip went. Here’s a quick summary:

Friday night: ER (Me) – Who parties when they get released with a minor concussion? Us. Duh. The typical, just enjoying some 1999 Britney Spears greatest hits when a lovely Houstonian decided to ram into the back of our car on I10. But… The bar waits for no one! A quick delay and about 17 Advil migraine pills later we couldn’t be stopped. Until Meghan made us pull over to vomit after bar number 2.

Saturday night: ER (Not me) – After floating the river for 7 hours with only cheddar gold fish, beer and a jug of Meghan’s “Secret Juice” (we later found out was poison) half of the crew ended up throwing up while I just watched in amazement. Amazed that I, for once, was the only one half sober. RIP to one of us who shall not be named. This was my first time watching someone get lifted from the river and sent to the hospital for being non-responsive. A couple of IV bags and a BAC level of .309 later and we were ready for round 3! Sike. Can you say 9 p.m. bedtime curfew?

Sunday: Recovery
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Had to keep your attention here. *evil Holly grin*

Speaking of Elliot: Being the active gambler that I am, I take it upon myself each season to further research ways to improve my odds of hitting. (No, not like domestic violence hitting *cough* Zeke *cough*) We all know how the appeal process goes in Goodell’s world. It can be some time before the actual suspension takes place. According to this chart from the Chinese horoscope, Elliot should be suspended around end of October/November.

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If you look at the blue and yellow lines, we see that his career and wealth decline around this time frame. I know what you’re thinking… “Holly, you’re still drunk from the river trip.” That is a good possibility… But keep in mind that MY chart said I’d be involved in a car accident. Only the Chinese know the truth!

A quick Wednesday sportsy update: Houston Style.

Our Astros are more up and down than I am during my monthly… Nevermind.

Bill O’Brien is still employed so with each preseason game we will start to look even more and more 9-7ish.

The Dynamo… Well. I’ve been absent the last 17 games but I guess they’re still kickin’ it. Victor will update you.

On to the shames….

The LA Chargers are paying for their fans to get team themed tattoos. Oh, the struggle to keep your fans these days.

Shame bell No.1

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Allen Robinson is fed up with Bortles… Yeah, who isn’t bro?

Shame bell No.2

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This 76-year-old man won the Brazilian Beauty Pageant… Now that’s a true D.I.L.F.

Shame bell No. 3

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Hottie of the Day:

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…At least one of us achieved those summer time body goals…

 

About Holly (38 Articles)
Football guru/Professional MNF shit talker Welcome to Holly's world🏈💋 #FlyEaglesFly 🦅 Instagram this @hollysworldxo

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