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Hotties, eclipses, morning after pills and tons of football: The update for Aug. 23

By HOLLY XO

eclipse

Well, looks like a page of my diary fell out.

Anyway, how fun was that eclipse? On a scale of 1 to Boring af, I’ll give it a solid 9.4. Reasons why I didn’t care see this “spectacular historical moment” in no particular order:

  1. It’s hot as hell.
  2. It’s hot as hell.
  3. Something tells me looking directly at the sun wasn’t a great idea (especially with a cereal box or some cheap glasses a 7th grade astronomy class recycled). You guys can go ahead and check out this video now to see how quickly you’ll be losing your vision.
  4. I knew thanks to social media, you morons would post 72 different angles and live videos for me to safely view for free anyway.
  5. It’s hot as hell.

In today’s episode of “that would never happen”: The Browns on MNF? Said no one ever. The NYGs took an L to Cleveland during this week’s preseason game. How disgusting did that offense look? Maybe Jerry Reese can get a refund on like 25% of that billion-dollar defense and use the credit towards that crappy O line? Perhaps I should marry the GM and give him some spending and saving advice. Preseason or not, that’s still awfully embarrassing for Giants fans… No one wants to lose to Brock. On a good note, I DID get to hear my man crush Rex Ryan’s sexy voice take over the commentaries throughout the game. (Hey daddddddy)

rr

Fantasy Nightmares: It’s true. It happened to me. I got the second to the last pick in my draft this weekend. As if waking up surprisingly sober wasn’t depressing enough. Basically, my Sunday looked like this… “With the 99th pick, Holly selects… Jared Goff.” Okay, it wasn’t that garbage but you catch what I’m throwing out. (Technically no one will “catch” crap with my receiver line up). In a league with 15 teams, that left my first pick with NO running back worth a damn. Any fantasy freak knows success starts with a solid back. I snagged Brady but my heart hurt. I felt the defeat sink in with each beautiful pick disappearing before my very eyes as I waited 17 more turns until I was back on the board.

Golden Tate. Yeah. That’s who I got. No AB, no Julio. Not even a boring ass TE. In fact, pretty sure my TE is retired and Yahoo just accidentally forgot to deactivate him. That’s OK though… I still have that “I’m going to the Super Bowl!” swag. May as well throw a star on my helmet and call me a Cowgirls fan. *Insert moment of silence for those of us who got screwed by the randomized picking order*

Quick Houston Sports Update: (flipping through notes I took that don’t exist on games I didn’t watch. I shall do better next week, I promise).

Shame bell No.1 goes to me

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Grow Up: LeVeon Bell is still holding out. OK bro, I supported you through camp… Week 1 of preseason… But we’re in Week 3 now. Time to put on your big boy pants and SHOW UP. At this point, all that’s being achieved here is your absence pissing off your coaches. And let’s not forget, Connor is showing out. I wouldn’t mind seeing the rook on more carries Week 1…

Shame bell No.2

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Even birds find comfort in their side chicks…

Shame bell No.3

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Hottie of the day:

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…The only thing looking good for the Rams…

About Holly (30 Articles)
Football guru/Professional MNF shit talker Welcome to Holly's world🏈💋 #FlyEaglesFly 🦅 Instagram this @hollysworldxo

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