Today’s forecast… Holly style…
My family decided to have a cookout on Monday… while there’s a shortage of food. How we got all the food…? I don’t question awesomeness. Or rednecks. I did however, question everyone that was sipping out of A&M koozies like we just didn’t lose the Super Bowl on Sunday. But whatever. Beer me.
L M A O: Dear Texas college football,
Well. That was fun. Way to start the season off boys! Texas got hooked… backwards. Baylor… Never mind. No one cares about the rapist headquarters. (karma. *cough*).
As an Aggie fan, is it safe to crawl out of my hole yet? Too soon? Gotcha.
*insert more sighs here*
Let me be your fantasy: Or not. I’ve ate a bit too much BBQ. Anyway. I have successfully achieved the last pick in E V E R Y fantasy football draft I’ve taken part in this season. If Lindsay Lohan and Kaepernick had a kid, that kid’s future career is about how disgusting my line ups are looking. Let’s just say I’m living vicariously through those who’ve been touched by the football gods… better known as the “auto draft” blessed select few of you who’ve managed to suck Yahoo’s… Never mind. At least I have parlays to look forward to.
What’s more fun than Bill OBrien? Our Houston Astros! According to my ESPN app, the boys are rockin… again. I wouldn’t know because I still don’t have cable. But. Houston Sports and Stuff knows.
Who’s excited to see the Texans play the Jags this weekend? THIS chick. Okay, I’m more excited to watch the Jags. Sorry guys, don’t hate me yet. I just want to see this defense play out like it’s supposed to… like it has in my head the last 2 seasons. Some sportsgasmic D. Lucky for you Texans fans, Jacksonville still has Bortles so the odds are in your favor.
HAPPY FOOTBALL WEEK 1! May all of your teams suck so mine can prevail. Here’s to drowning ourselves in beer, hot wings and a Cowgirls LOSS!
Harvey’s side chick Irma is on the move. The NFL has decided the Dolphins/Bucs will not be playing in Miami this Sunday. Not that anyone cares about the Dolphins but some of us wanted to watch TB. Way to go Irma.
Shame bell No.1
Philip Rivers spends $200,000 on a custom ride to and from San Diego to LA during the season.
Shame bell No.2 (goes to myself for not skipping birth control and finding Rivers 10 years ago).
On today’s episode of “Caucasians do the darndest things…”
Shame bell No.3
Hottie of the Day:
…Speaking of fantasies…