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NFL Week 1 Weather Misery Index

Welcome to a new project of mine, The weekly football weather misery index.

I would argue that of all the major sports football has the most romanticized relationship with the weather (ie. the Ice Bowl, the Fog Bowl, the tuck rule game, etc). Unlike the other sports, football games usually press on through bad weather, unless there is lighting in the vicinity, and even then officials will often try to keep the game going to the limit of safety. Whether they admit it or not people love watching bad weather games. Maybe football purists don’t, but for the average fan it is undeniably entertaining to watch world class athletes and other very large human beings slosh, slide, and fight their way through rain, mud, snow and other adverse conditions. It’s even better when you can enjoy it from the comforts of your home enveloped your ragged and stained with who-knows-what sweatpants.

Since everyone loves a good shit-show, each week I will highlight the match up taking place in the worst conditions for players on the field and/or fans in the stands. I will rate the misery index on a scale of 1 (can’t really complain) to 5 (I’d rather be dead) sad faces. Additionally I will also try to throw in a few useful fantasy pointers if the weather is bad enough to potentially effect line-up decisions.  By and large, at this early point in the season most of the misery will come from heat and humidity. For the most part players are conditioned to handle those conditions, but the fans in the stadium – not so much.

After looking at game time weather conditions for all of the games this week I realized that with one notable exception the weather will be pretty perfect across the NFL landscape.  If the Buccaneers-Dolphins game were being played it would obviously take the cake for this week’s misery index courtesy of Irma.  Lets take a look at foretasted game time conditions in Miami:

miami forecast

Game time wind conditions highlighted in yellow.  Not a great day for kickers.  Pre-game tailgate also looks rough – tie down those grills and tents. Courtesy NWS Miami.

But alas, that game is thankfully not happening so we must push forward and find a true winner, this is America after all.  For that we go to a rather unexpected game, the Carolina Panthers at the San Francisco 49ers.  Yes, believe it or not this will probably be the most miserable game to be a fan at with temperatures approaching 90 degrees during the game.  Since the 49ers decided to build their stadium in Santa Clara, 40 miles inland from San Francisco, they lose the benefits of those year-round comfortable San Francisco temperatures.  The discomfort experienced by these fans will in-fact be three-fold. First they have to load up their Pri-i (I think that’s the plural of Prius) and drive an hour and a half to the stadium.  Then they get to sit and watch what is likely to be the most garbage team in the league (possibly worse than the #lolBrowns) try to play something that resembles football for 3+ hours. And to top it all off they get to do that in 90 degree temperatures that they definitely are not accustomed to. The only relief will be a $10 bottle of wat – scratch that, this is California – a $20 bottle of water that is ultra-purified and comes in a fully compostable organic bottle. But hey, on the bright side they get to watch local college product Christian McCaffrey on the opposing side. Though these conditions may not be as visually pleasing as a game in 3 feet of snow, you can still enjoy the misery of those in attendance and watch as they surely melt into gluten-less piles of goo in temperatures that we Texans would consider downright fall-like.

Misery Index Rating: ☹☹ (suck it up wussies)

 

Follow me on Twitter @stephenuzick

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