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A slightly less angry Texans wrap up, Astros clinch, and who gives a better thumbs down? The update for September 19.

By DISCO BISCUIT

Strap in because I’m here to talk about the Texans game from Thursday night. The good news was that the game wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The bad news is that I realized this team is actually as bad as I thought they would be the Bengals are just somehow worse. The offensive line continues to bleed like a college student’s nose after a cocaine bender only this time they had a quarterback who could move around a bit. So instead of 10 sacks they only allowed like 5. Why hasn’t Rick Smith personally gone to Duane Brown’s house with a new contract and given it to him? The Texans have accomplished absolutely nothing to be hard lining on contracts like they are and Duane provides veteran leadership to an offense that looks like it might be better off playing rec league. Every time Deshaun Watson takes a snap I am legitimately terrified that this will be the play where he gets injured. On defense things were a little bit better than last week. Except for what the actual hell was this?

It’s been said before but Jadeveon Clowney should absolutely be used for rushing the quarterback and nothing else. This was one of the ugliest football games I’ve ever watched ya’ll. And I know it’s not getting better. Watching this game was like watching a guy hit on one of my married friends at the bar. It’s not going anywhere in the long run, but guy is flailing around like he has a chance. That’s the Texans. The Patriots should start Jimmy Garapalo next week and give Tom Brady a  week off to rest.

Team Disco Balls improved to 2-0 on the season defeating Team Holly. Remember in Week one when my defense scored scored 29 points? Yeah, this week things evened out just a bit.

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The Astros clinched on Saturday night and Josh Reddick graced us with this amazing image from the celebration.

joshreddick1

People were comparing this to Rasmus’s shirtless photo. What did Josh Reddick do? Upped the ante.

 

 

As a lifelong fan of Houston sports teams, be prepared to either lose in the first round or in heartbreaking fashion in the ALCS. I just want to prepare everyone new to this city that our sports teams here are made of ice. So when they face any sort of heat they tend to melt. Fast. Check out our weekly Astros recap HERE.

The Giants lost to the Lions last night 24-10. The Giants offense was about the worst I’ve ever seen (oh no wait I watch every Texans game) and they just couldn’t seem to get anything going. But no one cares about the game because the hottest buzz on the internet streets surrounded double thumbs down guy.

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If you’ll recall, thumbs down guy graced us with his presence last week during a Rays/Yankees game that was being played at Citi Field during hurricane Irma.

thumbsdown

Well thumbs down is in right now, and double thumbs down guy emerged last night as a challenger to single thumbs down guy. Let’s break it down – single thumbs down guy has been outed as a Mets fan and double thumbs down guy is a Giants fan. Mets fans are sad and pathetic while Giants fan at least won championships in the 2000’s. Single thumbs down guy is also just nailing the overall thumbs down look. I can’t look at single thumbs down guy without laughing. His morose expression, his aggressive thumb shooting toward the ground like a lightening strike, it takes years to master that level of crushing defeat. Double thumbs down guy just doesn’t have the intangibles. The edge goes to single thumbs down guy here. Possibly my favorite image of 2017 so far.

Here’s your week three college football imperialism map, enjoy!

Quote of the Day:

“Life sucks and then you die.”

Hottie of the Day:

jakemarisnick3

I used Jake because he’s injured but honestly having to save this picture as “JakeMarisnick3.jpg” was a little jarring. Do I need to stop downloading pictures of Jake? Yes.

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