By HOLLY XO
Mood after watching the Cowgirls get slaughtered and Eli’s funeral
I’d give you an update of my Sunday but the way Week 2 and my bar tab were set up………
Fun Fact of the Day:
Crush City: I feel like we play the Mariners so often, it’s like I’m a part of their team too. As much as I can’t stand Seattle, I absolutely LOVE staring at Robinson Cano’s amazing ass for 9 innings. Anyway, you are welcome guys. I promised you I’d use my ridiculously good looking micro boobs and awesome visitor seats to distract Seattle and lead our Astros back on the road to victory. Here is an exclusive drunk shot that didn’t make it to my social media. Saved especially for you at Houston sports and stuff.
OBrien for President: As you all are fully aware of, your Houston Texans cut another receiver on Monday. As if a receiver were available TO cut. This shouldn’t come off as a shock to anyone within a 72-mile radius of Reliant. It’s Bill OBrien’s team. I actually laughed when I saw the news via Twitter. There’s this thing in life I like to call balance. Kind of like when I eat a donut then decide I should even it out with a side of healthy egg whites. Bill, (can we call him Bill?) was blessed when Watson fell from the heavens… However, the lack of existence to any form of an offensive line cancels out his blessing. Who cares if you have NO hands left, your odds of successfully THROWING the ball without scraping your dead QB off of the ground are slim to none.
Basically what I’m getting at is… Let’s just pretend the 2017 season didn’t happen in Houston. We can start fresh next year. I’ve already mapped out a kidnapping plan if Rick Smith doesn’t grow a pair and fire the anti-christ.
Shame bell No. 1
(Oh look, I think he was “whispering” to QBs in this pic too…)
In case you guys aren’t aware, the Rapture is happening this Saturday. How selfish of them to plan the end of the world the day before my Eagles play the NYG…
Shame bell No. 2
Honestly, I only clicked this article because it read “Lonely? Rent a fish here”
Shame bell No. 3
Hottie of the Day:
The only thing Houston has to look forward to… Although I don’t think $1 hotdog night is in her diet plan…