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NFL Week 4 Misery Index

Well, I blew it on my call for the most miserable place to watch a football game last week. If you recall I picked the Browns-Colts game as the worst place to be a fan, and at the time it seemed like a solid choice.  Little did I realize the most miserable place to be a football fan would in fact be at home in front of a TV.  The anthem protest was all anyone with a microphone would talk about and it was exhausting.  I am a pretty a-political person, and for better or worse am largely disinterested in these silly controversies, but God forbid you not have an outspoken opinion on this matter.  An example: earlier this week I was involved (somewhat unwillingly) in two separate conversations about this issue with two people on opposite ends of the political spectrum.  My response to each person was the same and vilified by both.  I simply told them “at this point I really don’t care about all of this, I just want to watch football”.  My very liberal friend said “you don’t care about the inequality suffered by black Americans”, whereas my very conservative co-worker responded with “how can you say that about veterans and our flag”.  Maybe I’m an ostrich with my head in the sand but I honestly would rather listen to 3 hours about whether Eli is elite than have to hear one more minute of this kneeling/boycotting business.  Now on to the regularly scheduled Misery Index.

By writing this on Fridays I risk missing noteworthy events that happen during the Thursday night game.  That bit me in the ass last night.  The Bears-Packers game was forced into a delay as a thunderstorm, which according to Tony Romo had “the longest lightning bolt of all time”, moved over the stadium.


Most people followed stadium instructions and moved inside the the concourse which looked like this:

packers packed

Drowning in a sea of large and probably drunk cheese-heads seems like top level misery to me. Then there were those Darwin award winners who decided to “brave” the storm and stay in their seats.

packers lightning

Yes, nothing says intelligent fan like sitting outside on a wet metal bench during a lightning storm. (If you want to know what happens when you get struck by lighting and live to remember it read this. Hint: its not pleasant). Shame on me for missing this one, however this show must roll along.

The weather on Sunday looks much more pleasant across the nation compared to last week but there are still a couple of spots that wont be so nice.  This week Tampa will be the worst place to be a fan in the stadium.  The “we’re not sure if they are good yet or not” Buccaneers will be taking on the “yeah were pretty sure they are bad, but they have Odell” Giants.  There are currently 2 weather scenarios that could play out during this game – both equally crappy for fans.  The first has temperatures in the upper 80s with a ton of humidity pushing the heat index into the mid to upper 90s.  I love football but that is brutal to sit through. The second scenario is a wet one.  There is a chance of a tropical depression developing off the Florida coast over the next few days which could possibly make this game a wet one.  Right now there is a good deal of uncertainty with that but if something develops it may have an impact on fantasy especially if you plan on playing receivers from either team.  As for the fans both outcomes result in them leaving the stadium drenched, either in their own bodily juices or rain. The misery will continue even after the game as the long walk back to the car in wet clothes is sure to cause a chafing epidemic. Someone could make a killing selling baby-power in the parking lot.

Misery Index Rating: ☹ ☹ ☹


Follow me on Twitter: @stephenuzick

1 Comment on NFL Week 4 Misery Index

  1. As a matter of clarification….to win an Darwin Award they must actually die. I will concede that they are definite candidate for future consideration depending on how they finally die. Given the level of intelligence shown in that picture it should be interesting.


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