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Astros win! Texans lose as usual! And a sauce debacle for the ages. The update for Oct. 10

The Houston Astros are ALCS bound! After crushing the Red Sox in Games 1 and 2, the good guys were absolutely demolished in Boston on Sunday. After that game I was legitimately nervous. But they pulled it out yesterday, even though they made us sweat it out. Read more about it HERE. Now we wait for the Indians/Yankees series to wrap up – which has been shockingly close. If the Yankees don’t melt in game two, they’re ALCS bound also. I’d rather see the Yankees than the Indians. The Astros would have home field advantage in that series, and they have been able to beat the Yankees pretty easily over the past couple of years. I’ve never rooted for the Yankees, but I guess I have to now. I need the Astros to advance to the World Series. Because I love them, but also because I need more of this:

Everything is terrible. A couple of months ago, Beer Market on Studemont was running a promotion. If you buy one of their large glass beer steins, then every time you bring that with you, local beer is $3. Three dollars. They quickly stopped that promotion when they were immediately losing money, but not before we bought our mugs. It was this bar we sat in as I watched my beloved JJ Watt go down. Not just with an innocuous injury but something actually really bad. The look on his face told me everything I needed to know – before he was even in the locker room I knew he was done for the season.

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Whitney Mercilus was also injured like two plays before that. Which means the Texans lost two of their three best defensive players in the span of  five minutes – which is the most Houston sports thing to ever happen. We’ve waited twelve years for a serviceable quarterback and what happens? The best defensive players in the league goes down. We’re in the seventh circle of hell, folks. Get used to it. Women were crying in the stands. Not because of the loss of JJ Watt, but because they knew. They know what I know – nothing good will ever happen here. And they lost – boo!

“We want sauce!!” This is the best thing I’ve ever heard shouted from a mob of angry nerds. I mean, it’s obviously preferable to something like “Jews will not replace us!” as it isn’t filled with hate, and it gets the point across just the same. McDonald’s released it’s Szechuan sauce for the first time since it was in stores in 1998 – the year the movie Mulan was released. (I’m not sure if the original sauce release and the movie Mulan are related in any way or if this is a racist descriptor but I see Mulan and the sauce being thrown around pretty liberally together so I’m going with it.) The obscenely popular Adult Swim cartoon “Rick and Morty” has recently re-popularized the sauce and McDonald’s did a limited re-release. Most people didn’t get sauce, and so they started rioting. I’m trying to put myself in the shoes of a minimum wage employee at a fast food restaurant as people angrily shout at me over sauce. I’m smugly sitting there as they shout, alone in my knowledge that I took all of the sauces McDonald’s sent my store and put them on Ebay – where bids are fetching over $50 for a tiny container. I plan to quit this terrible job but not before I’ve made several hundred dollars off of my stolen sauce. I mean, look at this tweet. There’s absolutely no chance Lisa’s 9 year old son never eats at McDonald’s again. He also wasn’t crying, that was Lisa’s husband of 11 years – she knows he’s emotional but she loves him for the passion.

Disco’s fantasy update: I won again!!!

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Quote of the day: “Everything is awesome! Everything is cool when you’re part of a team” – The LEGO Movie

Hottie(s) of the day:

astros

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