By HOLLY XO
Being drunk gets old so I had to find new ways to entertain you guys. I decided to get my first Brazilian wax done. I was supposed to record it but apparently there’s some new, strict policies on indecent exposure. (Two of my favorite words). I’ll just sum it up as best as possible…
First off, screw you guys and your entertainment. That was awful. Three days later and I’m still walking carefully in fear I may lose what’s left of my lady parts. On a positive note, I feel a lot more free… and pretty. Downfall? Besides having my life flash before my eyes in the yoga pose you people call “butterfly”… I don’t get to share my cool new self with anyone. It’s not like I can post a picture via social media or walk through the mall showing off my DWP. I’ll probably just accidentally send a picture of my progress to my ex followed by the classic “Oops. Wrong text” message.
Let’s get sportsy…
Now that’s Savage: This time last season I thought there couldn’t possibly be a QB as god awful as Brock. True to Houston sports tradition, Savage “Savage-ly” fell from the skies onto this roster. Is it just me or does it appear that everyone on the Texans offense has to reach in to assist Savage? It’s almost as if Hopkins has to run his route then come backwards to meet Tom half way. You’d think after a few years in the NFL we wouldn’t have to baby the team leader.
Weekly NFL wrap up:
10-1… Just a reminder of my team’s record.
The Cowgirls of Dallas really suck.
Keenum is still… awesome.
TB choked on the “W” they were supposed to eat a few weeks ago. Still NO eating over there.
The Chiefs are the biggest frauds ever.
Rams are scary… (Week 16 meltdown coming soon for me)
Dolphins can’t save a damn point spread to save any of our bank accounts.
The Saints fans hate the entire world… like we caused them to take that L or something.
Yes. This happened. Prince Harry is Carson Wentz… Never knew how much these gingers looked alike!
Shame bell No. 1
You already knew this was coming… Crabtree vs Talib. I guess when you’re having a season like Oakland and Denver are having, a gold chain fight is the only highlight found on the field.
Shame bell No. 2
…… Shame bell No. 3
Hottie of the Day:
…It looks like she attends the wax center regularly too…